


Pray to me

by NotfunnyDean (IronEyes)



Series: SPN Hiatus Creations [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Purgatory, Dean misses Cas, Dean prays a lot, Inspired by a quote, M/M, love confessions through prayers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 02:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19803025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronEyes/pseuds/NotfunnyDean
Summary: Castiel is gone and Dean alone in purgatory. He feels helpless and the only thing that keeps him going are his prayers to Cas every night.





	Pray to me

**Author's Note:**

> Hii so this is for the [SPN Hiatus Creations ](https://spnhiatuscreations.tumblr.com/) project on Tumblr :)
> 
> Topic: Favorite quote. 
> 
> While there are a lot of wonderful quotes from this show, when Dean says "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" still gives me all the feelings! :D

Dean feels like he doesn’t have any fight left in him. He knows pain since he was a small boy, but right now his whole body just _burns_ and he needs to sit down. He stumbles again and this time he doesn’t get up again.

“Dean?”

Dean looks up to see that Benny is worried, but he doesn’t really care. He just wants to go home and see Sam again or just once… look into Castiel’s blue eyes again. 

“Leave me here.” Dean grumbles and leans back against a huge tree. He can hear some snarling around them, probably the next monsters coming for them, but Dean ignores that. Let them come at him, it doesn’t matter anyway.

“Come on brother, you can’t stay here on your own.” Benny drawls and Dean shrugs off his jacket. His arms are bloody and dirty and Dean winces when he sees a new deep gash on his right arms. It hurts like a bitch.

“I give up Benny.” Dean says and those are words he only used once before in his life. Back when he was in hell and Alastair asked him again and again to torture for him. This time somehow the situation feels just as bad. 

“Don’t say that.” Benny answers and Dean has no idea, why the vampire is being so nice to him. 

In Purgatory it’s never really bright, but right now it’s in the middle of the night, so it’s so dark, he doesn’t see much anymore, which only makes the noises around them even louder. Dean is sure he can hear some Werewolves again.

“Why are you even helping me?” Dean asks and he is sure he asked that more than twenty times in the last days. Benny sighs, but he doesn’t try to make Dean stand up again. Instead he just points at the jacket and when Dean dresses in it again, he sits down next to him.

“I told you. You want to get out of here, I have a way to leave this hell, but I need your help for it.” Benny says and Dean nods. Yeah, he really wants to get out of here, but…

...not without Castiel.

“But I need Castiel.” Dean whispers and he means it exactly like he says it. He had a lot of time to think about it in the last days and Dean’s heart aches every time he thinks of Castiel. Sure he misses Sammy as well, but he knows his brother is on earth. Probably safe. 

Castiel however is in Purgatory as well, apart from Dean.

“I know and we’ll find him. Try to sleep, I’ll have a look around.” Benny says and he gets up again. Dean nods and curls into himself, it’s cold and he shivers. He can hear how Benny walks a bit away and looks out for new monsters.

“Cas.” Dean whispers into the night and he can’t help the tears that fill his eyes. He has no idea what to do. He has to fight the most disgusting monsters all day and he doesn’t even know if Castiel is still alive.

“Cas, I really hope you can hear me. I’m… I’m scared. You don’t answer my prayers and I really hope it’s not because some asshole already got you.” Dean sniffles quietly and he hopes that Benny doesn’t hear his embarrassing prayers to Castiel every night.

Dean had never really prayed to anyone, hell why would he? 

Since he had met Castiel, that had changed. He had always laughed at Sam, when he had told Dean about his hope for angels or god. Now, Dean is the one who hopes for a lot more. 

At first he had just prayed to Castiel, when they needed him for a hunt or one of them was too hurt and they needed Castiel to heal him. Somehow along the way Dean found himself praying a lot of times during the day. Sometimes just to see his angel.

“I miss you so much, Cas. I… I don’t know what to do without you, so you better not be dead, you hear me? You need to be alive. I need you Cas. I’m not alone, I have a vampire with me and he helps me a lot, so don’t be worried about me. Just… be safe yeah? And … wait for me, wherever you are.” Dean whispers into the cold night. 

Again there is no answer, no rustling of feathers and Dean wipes over his face. He had almost lost all his hope.

“Cas… I love you.” Dean curls even more into himself, this time the tears fall down his cheeks.

*

“Are you sure this is the right way, Benny?” Dean asks again and Benny sighs loudly. Dean isn’t sure how many weeks he is already here, but it feels like eternity. 

“Yes, the forest keeps whispering about some angel being at the river, so we better keep going.” Benny explains and Dean huffs. While he is sure that this isn’t a place for angels, that doesn’t mean the monsters are talking about his angel.

“I don’t think we will find Cas and…” Dean stops, when he finally sees this damn river and there is some kneeling right in front of it. Dean’s eyes widen, because even though the trench coat is ripped into pieces and so dirty, he would recognize it everywhere. 

“CAS!”

The angel jerks almost painfully but then he turns towards them and Dean can’t help the relieved laugh that escapes his throat. Sure the angel looks bad, but he is alive and that is all that matters to Dean right now.

“Dean?” Castiel asks and he tilts his head in such a familiar way, that Dean starts to tear up again. Benny luckily doesn’t say anything and Dean runs towards his angel. God he is really alive. 

Before Castiel can do anything, Dean is already hugging him as tight as he can. Castiel seems still surprised and hugs back almost hesitant. Dean breaks the hug sooner than he wants to and strokes over Castiel’s beard once.

“New look huh?” Dean says cheekily and he kinds wants to rub his cheek against Castiel’s but he knows there will be time for stuff like this.

“Dean why are you here?” Castiel asks and he frowns. Dean takes a step back, that is not the welcome he had expected. Benny behind them makes a surprised noise as well, Dean ignores it.

“What do you mean? I was looking everywhere for you.” Dean says and he holds out his hand. Castiel doesn’t take it and Dean thinks that maybe Castiel is cursed. Maybe someone _did_ get him.

“Why would you do that, after I ran away from you!” Castiel says and he could’ve just stabbed Dean right into the heart. The pain wouldn’t be very different.

“You ran away?” Dean asks, all the happiness gone out of his words. Castiel looks down at his feet, he looks very guilty Dean realizes while his heart aches more with every second. Castiel sighs, before he looks up again.

“Yeah. I could feel the Leviathans around us and I wanted to keep them away from you.” Castiel admits and he looks ashamed. Oh, he should be. 

“I can’t believe this.” Dean whispers, feeling even more empty and he didn’t think that was possible. He would’ve done anything to keep Castiel safe as well but he would’ve never left him alone. Especially not without a warning. 

“Dean…” Castiel tries but Dean shakes his head.

“You bailed out and what? Went camping. _I prayed to you, Cas, every night._ ” Dean says and he feels those damn tears again. Castiel looks even more ashamed at those words and Dean looks away. Not making a single sound.

“I know.” Castiel whispers. So he heard what Dean prayed to him, he knows how Dean feels and he still didn’t come back. Dean feels so stupid, so he just nods, turning back to Benny. Maybe the vampire would still get him out of here… them. Them out of here. He wouldn’t leave Castiel back, just because he doesn’t feel the same way.

“Fine.” Dean bites out and he is already walking towards the vampire. Castiel’s hand on his wrist holds him back.

“Dean please, I just wanted to keep you safe, I would never forgive myself if something would happen to you.” Castiel says and he sound so broken. Dean wiggles out of his grip anyway.

“Well you did a shit job at that. Benny helped me though.” Dean says and points at the vampire, who waves shortly. Castiel glares at Benny.

“I’m sorry but Dean you need to know… I need you too.” Castiel says and that is what Dean stops. He turns fully around to the angel, seeing tears in those deep blue eyes as well. Dean steps forward. Castiel does, too.

“Don’t you ever leave me again.” Dean whispers, but then Castiel is already hugging him again. This time holding Dean as tight as he can. Dean snuggles closer, putting his head on Castiel’s shoulder, his cheek pressed against Castiel’s. He shudders happily.

“I won’t, I promise you Dean. I wanted so badly to come back to you, but I was scared you would get hurt and Dean… I think I love you too.” Castiel whispers and Dean laughs quietly.

God he has missed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://notfunnydean.tumblr.com)


End file.
